EPISODE

27. Gas Station Trash Horses

The Dream Team can’t seem to avoid talking about movies. Olivia shares a dream about someone she hasn’t thought about…...

The Dream Team can’t seem to avoid talking about movies. Olivia shares a dream about someone she hasn’t thought about in years. Victor shares two short dreams that he is convinced mean nothing, and (again) is proven wrong.

0:00 Intro

6:22 Olivia's Dream

37:55 Victor's Dream

About Dream Bible:

Dream Bible is a free online A to Z dream dictionary dedicated to helping people understand the meaning of their dreams. Unlike other dream interpretation websites or books we extensively research dream symbols by interviewing people about the events occurring in their lives at the time of their dreams.  Inspired by the work of Gillian Holloway Ph.D, we are using a database of over 350,000 dream reports to create the world's most practical dream dictionary based on the waking life experiences of regular people.

http://www.dreambible.com/

Dream Bible entries used in this episode:

Marijuana: https://www.dreambible.com/search.php?q=Marijuana

Birthday Cake: https://www.dreambible.com/search.php?q=birthday+cake

Concrete: https://www.dreambible.com/search.php?q=concrete

Gas Station: https://www.dreambible.com/search.php?q=gas+station

Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thejungandtherestlesspod/

Check out our website for episode transcripts: https://thejungandtherestlesspodcast.com/

Submit your dreams for interpretation to thejungandtherestlesspod@gmail.com


Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Jung and the Restless. I'm Zach. I'm Olivia. And I'm Victor. And this is the podcast brought to you by the Hat Man. He's always there. He sees you. 

[00:00:33] Olivia: Do you remember that movie Chicken Run?

[00:00:37] Zach: I was just talking about that movie with Shelby.

[00:00:39] Olivia: That movie's fucked up?

[00:00:41] Zach: Is it,

I remember it being super fun.

[00:00:44] Olivia: Uh, I was easily scarred by movies.

[00:00:47] Zach: Okay. I think Shelby might have watched it with her daughter and that's why it came up. She was like, you remember Chicken Run that holds up? I was really happy to hear that, cuz I love that movie as a kid.

[00:00:58] Victor: I've never seen it, but, um,

[00:01:01] Zach: Did, did you watch Wal, did you watch Wallows and Grommet?

[00:01:05] Olivia: Yes.

[00:01:05] Zach: Oh really? Okay. Same,

[00:01:07] Victor: Yeah, I never saw.

[00:01:08] Zach: same animators, I'm pretty sure.

[00:01:10] Victor: But there is like a whole genre of, uh, movies and TV that is like the, like prisoners of war and stuff, you know, like being kept in camps and trying to escape, you know? That's like a, that's like a subtype of movie.

[00:01:27] Zach: Yeah.

In the children's

[00:01:29] Victor: No, I'm saying like, it's like they're usually like comedies and stuff. I can't, I can't remember any offhand, but like, yeah, there's a whole like kind of thing of like, there's people that are being, uh, held as prisoners of war and they're like trying to escape and then, then like hijinks enue, which is really weird for like a war setting.

But anyway, it sounds like maybe they were trying to like take that template and apply it to a kid's movie, but I haven't seen it, so I dunno.

[00:01:55] Olivia: yeah, again, I was really sensitive to like movies as a kid and that it was, I operate, I still operate on vibes and so the 

[00:02:04] Zach: funny cuz he went to film school, but instead of,

[00:02:08] Olivia: vibes are important. I don't know what.

[00:02:11] Zach: well a lot of like film students you're looking at one, are, uh, insufferable to watch movies with because they out loud. Again, I'm saying they, instead of using my eye statements, like, you know, intellectualize everything

[00:02:25] Olivia: Oh, I 

mean, Victor, do I do that?

[00:02:28] Victor: Oh yeah, she does that. Yeah.

[00:02:29] Zach: okay. So it's not vibes alone.

[00:02:31] Olivia: No, it's not vibes alone, but the vibes like, they determine if I actually liked the movie. Like I can say that was a good movie and I can still not like it.

[00:02:41] Zach: That's true. You can intellectualize anything.

[00:02:43] Olivia: Yeah. Like, and I don't know, the vibes in that movie Chicken Run were so off to me, um, as a child and I still, um, yeah, I don't know. I, I don't let go of that kind of thing. I guess.

[00:02:59] Victor: I want to see it now. It sounds 

interesting. 

[00:03:00] Olivia: watch it. Let's

[00:03:01] Zach: Maybe, maybe it's time for a revisit. I was already like a big fan of walls and grommet though, so I went into chicken run with, uh, Like a, um, brand loyalty, um, even as a kid. oh, and I was gonna say, that's funny that you were, you, you, you were that sensitive to movies as a kid, and now you're like, favorite thing is horror movies.

[00:03:22] Olivia: It is funny. Yeah. I did not like horror movies as a kid, but, um, yeah, actually some comedies like tend to have more fucked up vibes to me than horror movies, to be honest with you. 

[00:03:37] Zach: think I know what you mean. Especially back in the day, there were a lot of comedies that you look at now and you're like, Ooh, like Revenge of the Nerds.

[00:03:45] Victor: Hmm.

[00:03:46] Zach: That was super, um, Have you guys seen that?

[00:03:49] Olivia: No,

[00:03:49] Zach: Okay.

[00:03:50] Victor: a long time ago

[00:03:51] Zach: one of those eighties movies where they didn't like fully understand

how important consent. Yeah.

[00:03:57] Victor: Right.

[00:03:57] Zach: They thought it was kinda funny to maybe not have it

[00:04:01] Victor: me and Olivia have been watching a show recently. We watched like a couple of episodes and we were both like, this, this is good, but we're both like really anxious and stressed out watching this, this comedy. Um, if it leans into like a particular kind of cringe, it can like trigger like.

It can trigger me where I'm like, oh, this is how people see me. Everyone hates me the way that this person is insufferable, you know?

[00:04:27] Zach: There was a movie I saw not that long ago that I, I'm still not sure how I feel about it. And this conversation makes me wonder how you guys would feel about it. All my friends hate me.

[00:04:39] Victor: Oh yeah, 

that's a good movie.

[00:04:41] Zach: Yeah.

[00:04:42] Victor: Great movie. Yeah.

[00:04:43] Olivia: it's a good

[00:04:44] Victor: Yeah. 

[00:04:44] Zach: But that, that got to me,

[00:04:46] Olivia: Oh

[00:04:47] Victor: Oh, me

[00:04:47] Zach: that really, that, that really upset me.

[00:04:50] Olivia: Mm-hmm.

[00:04:50] Victor: Yeah.

[00:04:51] Zach: Uh,

[00:04:52] Olivia: upsetting.

[00:04:53] Zach: and I didn't realize how tense and on the edge of my seat I was until like midway through Act three, my roommate knocked on the door and I like just cracked my bedroom door a little bit. And I was like, what, what do you want?

And he was like, I just, I made some tea. I wanted to see if you want some. And I was like, what's your game? What are you trying to do here? Like, it made me so paranoid.

[00:05:20] Victor: Um, it is a very good movie. 

[00:05:22] Zach: Yeah. It was really, it took me, it was one of those movies that took me a while to wrap my head around what they were trying to do, and then once I feel like I got it, I then I felt like they really nailed it.

[00:05:31] Victor: yeah, that's like a type of horror that's really effective is like

very, like the, the actual thing that's terrifying or horrible about it is like very grounded in reality. And then the like, supernatural thing is, um, just kind of flavor, you know?

like, um, uh, the Papapa Duke was like a great example of that, right.

Of like most of the actual horror of that has nothing to do with the monster. It's just the situation, like the human situation of it being so horrible. Yeah. 

[00:06:02] Olivia: It's a movie that makes you not wanna have kids.

[00:06:06] Zach: Yeah,

[00:06:06] Victor: or die in a car accident makes you not wanna do that either. Right? Right.

[00:06:10] Zach: that's true.

[00:06:11] Olivia: everything makes me not want to tie in a car accident.

[00:06:14] Victor: Some things make me wanna die

[00:06:15] Olivia: accident

Uh, occasionally.

[00:06:17] Zach: Yeah, like later seasons of the office.

[00:06:20] Victor: Right. Yeah.

Marker

[00:06:22] Olivia: I had a dream last night, and I'd love to share it with you guys.

[00:07:01] Victor: No, I don't know.

[00:07:04] Zach: I thought we were just doing a TV and movie episode.

[00:07:06] Victor: Yeah, Zach wanna, like, keep talking about movies or should, should we let Olivia do her dream?

[00:07:13] Zach: Eh, long as I get to like, just bring him up and not explain anything about him and just go, that was a good movie.

[00:07:19] Victor: All right. All right. All right, Olivia. Better, better be a good one.

[00:07:24] Olivia: let me, um, translate this, uh, dream Journal entry real quick. 

[00:07:29] Zach: She writes on Russian when she's asleep.

[00:07:31] Olivia: mm-hmm. It's the only way, it's the only time I know Russian.

Quick, give me a, name for

[00:07:39] Zach: are we doing it? Are we doing improv,

[00:07:41] Olivia: girl. Go.

[00:07:45] Zach: fer?

[00:07:48] Olivia: Yeah, that's your go-to.

[00:07:50] Zach: What?

[00:07:51] Olivia: Well, last time it was Quin.

[00:07:53] Zach: I, I tried to say Jennifer this time, but I feel like I stuttered. So it came out as fer.

[00:07:58] Olivia: I think we had a Jen before, 

[00:08:01] Zach: Oh yeah. No, we did. Um, Ley

[00:08:05] Olivia: All right.

[00:08:06] Zach: Caesar Caesar.

[00:08:09] Victor: Alexapro.

[00:08:10] Zach: Alexapro,

I, I work with a girl who every day she wears the same hoodie that says Alexa, block number for, so for some reason it makes me laugh. Huh?

[00:08:21] Victor: Nanette.

[00:08:23] Olivia: I'm gonna call her Pamela.

[00:08:26] Victor: All right.

[00:08:27] Olivia: So. In the dream I had last night, I was going to visit King Julian with my friends Pamela and Brenda. Now King Julian is a real person. Uh, I don't know why we started calling him that. Um, his name is Julian, but 

[00:08:47] Zach: Isn't that 

[00:08:47] Olivia: was,

[00:08:49] Zach: character in the Madagascar movie?

[00:08:51] Olivia: Yeah. Someone started calling him that. Um, this was the guy that my friends and I bought weed from before you could buy weed in a store.

Uh, and

[00:09:01] Zach: So long time ago.

[00:09:03] Olivia: yeah, and he was like, when I knew him, um, he was kind of like, what you picture when you picture someone who's like perma fried. Like he was like always as high as somebody possibly can be, uh, on weed. Um,

[00:09:24] Zach: Yeah. Giving you that look where they don't quite recognize you, but they're really happy to see you or

[00:09:29] Olivia: Yes. Yeah. And so we would go buy weed from Julian and then we would sit there and he would smoke the weed that we just bought from him with us as drug dealers did back in the day. They don't do that at dispensaries.

[00:09:44] Zach: no,

[00:09:45] Olivia: Um,

[00:09:46] Zach: be a fucked up business model.

[00:09:48] Olivia: right.

So in this dream, I'm with my two friends and we're going to visit this guy in present day.

Like, what is it? Like eight, nine years after nine, nine years after having last seen him. Um,

[00:10:01] Zach: To buy weeder or just to see him.

[00:10:03] Olivia: we're going, just going to visit him. And he lives in like eastern Washington. So it's like a whole day trip that we're doing. Um, and the whole time we're going there, I have this big, like, I have this box, 

it's like a. A fancy like case with a zipper, kind of like a fancy headphones case or something, um, like a hard shell case. And it had, it was full of like weed. We were bringing that with us, I guess. We thought we were gonna like be smoking weed with this guy. , and

when we finally got there, uh, we were parking in his driveway in a garage and we were, we were parking a semi-truck.

I don't know if we were driving a semi-truck the whole time, but we were now. And I remember we were very late. We were like an hour and a half later than we said we were gonna be because we kind of got lost. And we're walking up to the house and I realize that, or I, I see that there's like a bunch of family there, like older

adults and,

um, there's some little kids and like, it seems like there's a family gathering happening and we see Julian.

Through the window. He's playing a video game on a pc. And we come inside and he sees my friend, uh, my friend Pamela, and calls her by the wrong name. And then he sees me and he says, nice to meet you. So he like doesn't remember me. Um,

and

when we get inside, a little kid brings him a birthday cake and he blows out the candles.

And I said, is it your birthday? And then my friend Pamela says, yeah, don't you remember? And I did remember in that moment that there, we had a group chat and that was part of the reason we were coming, was for his birthday. Um, and it was me. It was mentioned in a text message at some point. and then

my

sister is there and she says to me,

Hey, Olivia, do you know what a Patty Cat is?

[00:12:05] Zach: It's a baker's manner.

[00:12:07] Olivia: And I said, no. And she said it's like, because I'm just a little guy, but I'm sassy. And, and everybody, everybody there is like nodding in agreement and I'm looking around and I'm like, is that, that's a thing? And everyone's like, yeah, Patty cad. I was like, is that like an old timey saying? And they were like, yeah, it's an old timey saying for if you're a little guy, but you're sassy.

[00:12:35] Zach: these are direct quotes

[00:12:36] Olivia: Yeah. 

[00:12:37] Zach: like,

[00:12:38] Olivia: Yes.

Um, and I'm like really bothered that Julian doesn't remember me because way back when I smoked a lot of weed with this kid. Uh, I should also mention he is totally different now. Like, he's like clean cut, like wearing like at like a, um,

[00:12:56] Zach: In real life.

[00:12:57] Olivia: No, no, no. In this dream, it was like, he was like very, like his hair was like tied back nicely.

It was before, it was like long and like crazy and like, um, but his hair is like tied back, like neatly in a little ponytail. And he's wearing like a long sleeved high neck shirt, like, like a turtleneck, like a black turtleneck, long sleeved shirt. Um, and he's just like, kind of soft spoken and like, definitely totally sober and had no intention of smoking weed with us when we got there.

Um, and at one point he said something like, someone said something and he was like,

huh,

I'll have to run that by my therapist. And I don't know, it was just like, he was a completely different guy and, um, almost like I could tell he had like, been through some like really dark shit and like came out like a different person. Um, anyway, the last thing in this dream was that I was really bothered that he didn't remember me. And I, and I like said something to him. I was like, oh, do you remember so-and-so and he was like, oh yeah. Didn't you like wake up in her bed one time? I don't know.

I don't know what anything means. I was like, no. Like, no, I was her roommate and like, I've like hung out with you a lot and you probably don't remember me cuz I look really different. And my hair was like bleached before. And then the last thing I remember was I was scrolling through my phone looking for a picture of what I looked like back then to show him hoping that he would remember who I was.

[00:14:31] Zach: All right.

[00:14:32] Olivia: So that's what we're working with today.

[00:14:35] Zach: Is it impor? Is it important that we know who Pamela is? Do you want to text us the real person?

[00:14:43] Olivia: text it 

[00:14:44] Zach: Because that's a pseudonym, right?

[00:14:46] Olivia: Yes.

[00:14:47] Zach: Is it important? Is it important that we know who that real person is?

[00:14:51] Olivia: Um,

[00:14:52] Victor: I don't think Pamela's come up on the pod before.

[00:14:55] Olivia: yeah, Pamela is, uh,

[00:14:57] Zach: Is it even someone I know of?

[00:15:01] Olivia: you, you've probably met Pamela at the wedding.

Pamela is somebody I have a very like, easy friendship with. 

Um, 

[00:15:08] Zach: Okay. You feel like that's all we need to know?

[00:15:11] Olivia: yeah.

Yeah. I don't think that, I think that that's the main thing there. Um, and then Brenda is somebody that, um, I had like a falling out with a couple of years ago and that was a, like a long-term friend that I had a falling out with, um, that I am still processing and still feel very hurt by.

[00:15:36] Zach: Okay. Yeah. Now that you say that, I do remember talking about Brenda and that that does feel like it was a long time ago. Like maybe

before. 

[00:15:43] Olivia: cake reference to an episode with that never came out

[00:15:47] Zach: Not yet. Maybe, maybe when we need to reach into the safe,

into the vault 

[00:15:55] Olivia: well, I know that was kind of like a mess of a dream, but I feel like the biggest, I feel like I was really struck by the transformation that this person went through. Like when I knew this person in real life, he was like, a

mega, mega stoner. Like I would, I would go over to this person's house and he would like, he would load a huge bowl of weed and put like Keith dabs, tobacco mochi, like a, like a fucking seven layered dip of.

[00:16:27] Zach: Yeah. I'm just pic. I'm 

just, 

[00:16:29] Olivia: C and then ta torch the whole thing and take the whole thing himself and then sit there like drooling for like five minutes. It was like

[00:16:37] Zach: yeah, I'm just, yeah, I was just picturing Pineapple Express the whole time.

[00:16:41] Olivia: but like more than that. Um, and like to see him like, don't know, he just seemed like neat and like quiet and like

[00:16:49] Zach: Yeah, from

drug 

[00:16:50] Olivia: he had been traumatized, but like ma he had also seemed like, I don't know, it was just, um, it was interesting. And uh,

it's also funny that we like came there with like weed thinking we were gonna like smoke weed with him.

And it was like, he was at his parents' house, like, and there were like kids there and he was like, 

[00:17:10] Zach: from drug dealer to art dealer

[00:17:12] Olivia: Yeah,

That was the vibe.

[00:17:13] Zach: with the black turtleneck.

[00:17:15] Olivia: Yeah.

[00:17:16] Victor: So the only symbol I've got is birthday cake. Um, so we can get into that. Um, might also be a good, good dream for the Gestalt method.

[00:17:27] Olivia: Yeah, we could alt it. Do we wanna look? I would like to look up, um,

[00:17:33] Zach: Weed.

[00:17:34] Olivia: yeah, I think we have looked it up before. I think it's like 

[00:17:36] Zach: Yeah, we looked, I had a dream about,

um, smoking weed 

[00:17:43] Victor: so marijuana to dream of, marijuana represents taking a break from what you were thinking. This means you stopped working on a project or working towards a goal and decided to relax or take part in more carefree activities. If you have a negative personal view of marijuana, it may symbolize an aspect of something in your life that is compromising you, making you lose control, or encouraging a loss of identity.

[00:18:07] Olivia: Hmm. I think I do wanna gestalt this.

[00:18:10] Victor: You wanna hear a birthday cake before or 

after? Okay. So the dream of a birthday cake represents a special occasion that makes you feel lucky or special, A special occasion that is shared with others. Something good has happened that is just for you. You may be getting exactly what you wanted, A wish may have been realized.

Feelings about the specialness of pregnancy and socializing about it. Feeling that others need to notice and respect a situation being all about you. Uh, if you see a birthday cake with blood on it, that didn't happen. A pink birthday cake. Was it pink?

[00:18:45] Olivia: Um, it was a cupcake

actually. 

[00:18:48] Victor: Oh, well that's maybe a different entry,

[00:18:51] Olivia: But it was a birthday cup. I think there was a birthday cake and there was a birthday cupcake. And I got the sense that Julian and this little boy shared a birthday,

[00:19:00] Victor: Oh. All right. Well, the cupcake, like Julian

[00:19:03] Olivia: got the cupcake.

[00:19:04] Victor: Well, there's a cake with no candles, but that didn't seem

[00:19:07] Olivia: It did have candles.

[00:19:09] Victor: Okay, and then there's cupcake.

Dream of a cupcake represents feelings of liking yourself the way you are feeling, encouraged to like yourself, feeling that people have to be, have to like you, your wish to make other people feel good about themselves, wanting other people to feel good, enjoying spending time with family.

[00:19:29] Olivia: What a sweet little dream Bible entry.

[00:19:32] Victor: negatively cupcakes may reflect, unusual steps being taken to deceive others or do bad things, so people will like you, making choices you don't like.

So other people will like you. Wanting other people to feel good about themselves before your own needs.

[00:19:47] Zach: Wait, so that probably came up in the, um, unaired Spite cake episode.

[00:19:53] Olivia: Uh, no, cuz it was a muffin.

[00:19:56] Victor: totally different.

[00:19:57] Zach: is a spite muffin, and we've been saying spite cake

[00:19:59] Olivia: I mean,

[00:20:01] Zach: but b Brenda was also a part of that dream. I'm just, I'm just connecting 

dots. 

[00:20:06] Olivia: is true. Oh yeah. You're right about that. Yeah. Brenda disappeared actually. Whe like Brenda was there when we were like, parking the semi-truck, and then Brenda was not there for the rest of the dream.

[00:20:17] Victor: Hmm.

[00:20:18] Zach: There is also a Dream Bible entry for a drug dealer. I don't know if that's,

[00:20:23] Olivia: Okay. I, I feel like Julian had so much energy in this dream, um, that I would like to gestalt from,

from

his shoes. I almost said pants. 

[00:20:39] Victor: All right. As a king Julian, my purpose is,

[00:20:48] Olivia: Um, I wanna say the first thing that came to me was to be okay

[00:20:55] Victor: All right. My purpose is to be okay. My goal is

[00:21:03] Olivia: to reconnect.

[00:21:05] Victor: My biggest fear is.

[00:21:08] Olivia: Um, they came to me really fast. I just wanna figure out how I wanna phrase it. Um, like

going

back to a bad place,

[00:21:19] Victor: I love,

[00:21:21] Olivia: family comfort.

[00:21:23] Victor: I hate.

[00:21:26] Olivia: Chaos uncertainty.

[00:21:29] Victor: I desire or I wish.

[00:21:33] Olivia: to be comfortable with people.

[00:21:37] Victor: Hmm. All right, Olivia, well, you answered these all wrong. There's something wrong with you.

get

[00:21:46] Zach: playing. 

[00:21:46] Victor: out of six points. You receive an F grade.

[00:21:50] Olivia: Ooh.

[00:21:50] Zach: Better luck next time.

[00:21:53] Victor: Um, okay. So let's just go through the answers. Um, king Julian's purpose is to be okay. His goal is to reconnect. His biggest fear is going back to a bad place. He loves family comfort. He hates chaos and uncertainty, and his desire is to be comfortable with people. Was there anything King Julian was doing in the dream that made you feel like he was uncomfortable with people?

[00:22:23] Olivia: He seemed like, yeah, he seemed like shy, a little shy and reserved and like he invited us there. Um, and he was like trying to connect with us,

but but like

we, having known him from so long ago as the person, he was like showed up there, um, I don't, the box of weed and paraphernalia never even came out cuz like, I think it was 

[00:22:53] Zach: You're like ooh. 

[00:22:55] Olivia: that that was not the vibe, but like, um, it was just like a totally different version of this person and.

Um, and it's, I got the sense that like he was still getting comfortable with this new version of himself and that like he had been through like, some shit to come out as this very different person.

[00:23:18] Victor: Hmm.

[00:23:19] Zach: Do you have any idea or inclination about whether or not this is close to the truth in reality,

[00:23:29] Olivia: Oh, I have no idea. Actually, I, yeah, I have no idea. Um,

[00:23:34] Zach: not Facebook friends or whatever?

[00:23:36] Olivia: No. Um, yeah. Yeah. I wonder what he's, I wonder what he's up to.

[00:23:41] Zach: Yeah, so we can rule that out as like, uh,

an an. 

[00:23:45] Olivia: influence.

[00:23:46] Zach: An obvious like Yeah. Seeping in a reality into your dream.

[00:23:51] Olivia: it

was just, it was super interesting that my brain reached for this person as a symbol, cuz I like, can't remember the last time I thought about this guy 

[00:23:58] Zach: Yeah. That does make it feel very random.

[00:24:01] Olivia: it, yeah. And I, and it was like, it was so powerful. Like, it was such a vivid experience, like seeing this person and like, it felt important.

I don't know, it felt like important to go, we were driving so far to go meet this guy, like we're, and and we weren't ever like, you know, like really close friends or anything. It was like, you know, a drug dealer relation. Like, he was fine, but like, we never like, had a deep conversation or anything or like hung out outside of that context.

So it was just very strange that that was such a powerful symbol for me last night.

[00:24:40] Victor: What does seem like, um, maybe there's a connection or reflection about, um, like that phase of your life or changing phases of your life, you know, because like you are on a mission to do this thing that's gonna be kind of like a, a, a reflection on or a repeat of, um, like who you were, you know. Five, 10 years ago or whatever.

And you get there and it's not that, and that person is very different and you know, you're very different, 

right? Yeah, 

And so maybe it is about, um, life phase transitions.

[00:25:25] Olivia: I think that, that, I think you're onto something because I, I remember feeling ex and thinking exactly that in the dream was that like, Um, it felt silly that we, like, we had this weed. It was like, what? I don't know. One of my friends had like, I think Pamela had like packed this bag full of like weed and paraphernalia, like, we're going to see King Julian.

And like, I remember thinking, because I don't smoke weed, like I, I did, but I don't anymore. And um, and like I remember feeling like it was a dishonest representation of like, where we're actually at and that, like, that felt like her trying to like,

[00:26:08] Zach: Relive the past.

[00:26:09] Olivia: or like trying to like meet his expectations of who he was hanging out with.

Um, because if it was just me and her, we wouldn't be doing that either. and I also, there was also the whole last part where it was like he didn't remember me and I was scrolling through photos of myself from back then.

yeah.

and, and I think something that I have been wrestling with a little bit lately is like, how I connect with my friends.

Like, I, I have felt like in some situations, like my, my friendships that I've had a for a long time, like, um, I don't know, it's hard to explain it. It's just like, you know, people grow and change and like, unless you're like really spending a lot of time with somebody, you're like, you're probably not as close to them, I guess.

Or like, you might be like growing in slightly different directions. yeah, sometimes I feel like I've like lost touch with the parts of myself that really connected with certain people, um, that I, i still feel are close people to me. but yeah. Uh, and, and are important people for me to keep around and, and connect with.

So like maybe it's me wrestling with like, how do I reconnect, and like reestablish the like bond that I have with that person, because that's important to me. And

[00:27:36] Zach: At a

new stage in life.

[00:27:37] Olivia: yeah, I think it's just like a, like a byproduct of circumstance that like, I might not feel as close to these people as I had in other phases of my life.

[00:27:49] Zach: Yeah, I think that's pretty universal. Um, I remember that being like a, like a heartbreak adjacent feeling in my like late twenties, feeling like, yeah, certain, certain people like, like growing in different directions and, and then just life responsibilities piling up and like different paths being formed and like just not having, uh, the structure in like a, a day-to-day life to like, like that was really painful in my late twenties cuz I, it, it was so fresh coming off the heels of, of my early twenties when it was like a, there was like noth jack all to do, but like, go grab a 12 rack of PBRs and show up at a buddy's house unannounced.

And there was, he was just living alone. There was no one to get pissed and be like, it's fucking Monday morning. And like, like that, like, I don't know, just abundant camaraderie,

[00:28:52] Olivia: Yeah.

[00:28:52] Zach: uh, felt like it was dwindling and, and there was just a lot more work to be done and, um, it, it became harder to like yeah. Relate to certain people and that was really, but at, at this juncture, I feel like, you know, in my early thirties now, like the, the people who were meant to stick around are, they're still around and I may not talk to 'em like all the time.

You know, there's certain friends that I am still very close with, but we only talk like a few times a year.

[00:29:22] Olivia: Right. And, and I, I do talk often with the people that I'm, I'm very close with it. It is, um, I dunno, it's interesting. Like I, I feel like friendships are formed under very particular circumstances where you are wi spending a lot of time with somebody. And that almost always requires you to be forced to be together.

So, like Zach, you and I are friends cuz we were coworkers. Right. 

Um, if we had like, just met one time, like we probably would not have like, become friends, you know?

[00:29:54] Zach: no. We, we would've gotten along and like related on a lot of topics and been like, that person was cool and then that would've been in it. But we, we happen to have a job where like we were the only two people in the room

working the same schedule sitting across from a desk like we, we were, and then the pandemic hit

[00:30:15] Olivia: Yeah, 

[00:30:15] Zach: and it was literally, 

[00:30:17] Olivia: seeing aside from Victor for like months and months and months,

[00:30:21] Zach: except my victor was, uh, my roommate Connor.

[00:30:23] Olivia: right? Yeah. So like that or school. Right. School and coworkers are like the two places, um, where like coworker, coworkers is like more the adult place to meet people, right? But like school, college, and high school, were kind of like the places where you meet people that you might be long-term friends

with 

[00:30:45] Victor: and,

[00:30:46] Olivia: and outside of that it's hard to like, make friendships with people.

[00:30:50] Zach: Yeah. College was that special time because it was, it felt like a hybrid of the two. You know, I have like a few friends from high school still, but we've grown in radically different directions. Some of us, and then coworkers today feel like, you know, like, we're 30, we're, we're here, we're professional.

[00:31:08] Olivia: Right?

[00:31:09] Zach: Uh, it feels a little less intimate, but college felt like this hybrid of like, we're adults now.

We're like,

[00:31:16] Victor: Mm-hmm.

[00:31:17] Zach: setting out on our own, but also it's school and we're young and like, I feel like that's where a lot of people's like closest friendships are formed.

[00:31:25] Olivia: Yeah. Yeah. And like, and that was the time where I knew Julian. Right. And, and something you said about like camaraderie and like, just like dropping in like my place where I lived with my roommate, like our apartment that was, um, that was the place where like people would just come over. We had people over all the time, like, uh, and people, we had like a group of friends that, or like various groups of people that like, We felt close with and like would just come by and that was totally welcomed.

And um, I don't think I've ever experienced that like level of chill in my life. Like cuz I'm not that chill. I don't like if somebody showed up to our house, I'd be like, what are you doing here?

[00:32:12] Zach: Yeah, I was gonna say even, even more, the more so than missing, being able to do that, I miss being open to it.

[00:32:20] Olivia: Yeah, 

[00:32:20] Zach: I miss because yeah, in my early twenties I was on Kramer basis with so many friends. I just barge in. Um, and now it's like I have, I have one like my best friend who lives here in LA and even, even he, I would text him and, and be like, Hey, is your wife decent?

Before I burst in the door, uh oh, he's not married. I just said wife. Like, without thinking about it, but might as well be is, I guess is my point. The amount of like seriousness involved in like relationships and responsibilities now kind of precludes that, uh, that freedom. But I also don't feel like I want that.

I'm more private now.

[00:33:08] Olivia: Yes. Yeah, I, I am too. And like, and that's like what this,

I

I wish I could like describe the vibe of this room. Like, um, it was like Julian wanted us to come over. We, we drove like four hours to go there and like we were all sitting like, kind of quietly around a coffee table and like, um, it was like he really wanted to like, connect with us, but like, didn't exactly remember how or wasn't comfortable.

With it the way he, he once was or How about that Patty cat though?

[00:33:47] Zach: Oh yeah, that was a good, that was a good direct quote.

Well, 

[00:33:50] Olivia: that's supposed to 

[00:33:51] Zach: what was it again? I

[00:33:53] Olivia: She like, it's because I'm just a little guy, but I'm sassy.

[00:33:59] Zach: I'm just a little guy.

[00:34:03] Olivia: What was so funny was that everybody there was like, yeah, a cat, like a patty cat, of course. And I was like, I have never heard that before. Are you Googling Patty Cat?

[00:34:16] Zach: Yep. Just saying if it's a thing, it's a children's book

[00:34:20] Victor: No.

[00:34:21] Olivia: Yeah, I think we kind of cracked this. I think, um, I think that it's about like me processing, like friendships and like how to continue to connect with people when we're all like evolving and, um, especially when there's like time between, like, 

it's like when you get a puppy and, and they're growing every day, but like then somebody comes over a week later and they're like, oh my God, they're so much bigger. And you're like, I didn't notice. but like if you haven't spent enough time with somebody consistently, like those phases can kind of sneak up on you.

And so

I guess just processing how to continue to connect with, yeah, connect with the people that are important to me.

[00:35:13] Zach: So you think Julian was representative of those people or of that part of you

[00:35:17] Olivia: I think of that part of me.

[00:35:20] Zach: that makes more sense. You're, you're 28,

[00:35:26] Olivia: Yes, 

I am 

[00:35:27] Zach: Yeah. Yeah. I remember the, I remember this thing we're talking about being like, particularly heavy with me

at, about that age.

[00:35:36] Victor: Yeah. I think between like 26 and 28, it kind of felt like going through like a morning process of like just feeling so disconnected from everybody. And since then, I, I feel like I've built like a very busy life and, you know, I don't, I don't have the same space in my life for, for people the way I did when I was like, in college or whatever.

But, um, for a while there, I just, it just felt very lonely, you know?

[00:36:05] Olivia: and then you met me when you were 28.

[00:36:07] Victor: Right. Exactly. And now I don't have any time for anything. Yeah.

[00:36:11] Zach: And, and you're what, 31 now 

[00:36:14] Victor: Yeah. For another month and a half.

[00:36:17] Zach: We're like almost evenly spaced.

[00:36:18] Olivia: Mm-hmm.

[00:36:20] Zach: yeah. Cause yeah, first it feels like, like you're being ripped apart from a certain way of life into another. Way of life and it's very painful. But then once you, and like everyone that is important to you accepts that, um, it's not as bad as it seems because there, there are certain people that I thought I was drifting apart from, I thought they were gone forever.

And I don't talk to 'em every day. but every time we do catch up, it, it feels like no time has passed at all. It feels like we picked up right where we left off, and it's, it's just as fulfilling

[00:36:57] Olivia: Yeah.

[00:36:58] Zach: and it's a huge relief that, that, that they're probably not going anywhere.

[00:37:03] Victor: Yeah. 

Marker

[00:37:05] Victor: I got a couple, uh, little, little dream snippets that I can share. I don't know how interpretable they're, but if I can put 'em out there.

[00:38:08] Zach: Hell

yeah. 

[00:38:10] Victor: all right, so the first thing I remember, I remember like, There was a little dream that had like two parts and then there was like a separate dream that happened later in the night.

So the little dream that had two parts. The first part I remember being like up on like a cliff or something or looking down, or like, I didn't really feel like I was in my body. I was just like watching this happen. But there was like a car that was like if the Batmobile was made of concrete and it was just like zooming through like this kind of desert space, but there was like kind of like boulders and shit in the way and.

It was driving along. It felt like the way it was moving, the, like whoever was in it couldn't see very well. It was like skin around and like smacking into 

stuff. 

[00:39:03] Zach: the concrete windshield.

[00:39:04] Olivia: Yeah, that's what I said.

[00:39:07] Victor: And then I remember like when it would run into something, it looked like there was a dude like laying like on his stomach, like with his head where the nose of the car would be, and he had like two concrete fists and he was just like punching shit out of the way.

When the car ran into it, they were just like these two arms with big concrete fists that were just like knocking. I, I guess it was a video game. I was dreaming fully, like a little flash game, but he was just like punching stuff and then kept driving. So, um, make that what you 

[00:39:45] Zach: That was the whole snippet.

[00:39:46] Victor: that was, that, that was part one of, uh, that dream.

Yeah. 

[00:39:50] Zach: That feels 

[00:39:51] Olivia: you tell me the second 

[00:39:53] Victor: I don't know that I did.

[00:39:54] Olivia: I don't think you did.

[00:39:55] Zach: that feels like an old school comic book. Like when superheroes were just things like concrete man.

[00:40:02] Victor: yeah. It was definitely like a concrete man 

kinda 

[00:40:05] Olivia: man.

[00:40:06] Victor: Somehow, somehow that turned into me and another guy being like in the desert and there was like some rubble or wreckage around or whatever, and I can't remember what I was doing with this guy, but we were just like, I think like digging through a rubble or something. And then I remember seeing like, it was like we were getting bombed. Um, and there were like these, like, it was like, It wa it, it, it wasn't quite natural. Right. So it was like kind of like beautiful and terrifying seeing like this thing that was in the sky, like flying or hovering or whatever. And then it would like split off into a bunch of little things that were all like coming down with like deadly fury to like explode and stab and destroy.

Right. And uh, I remember like watching it and being like kind of mesmerized by it cuz it was very cool looking, but it was also like very scary. I don't know, to be on like the receiving end of like high tech weaponry.

[00:41:19] Zach: Sure.

[00:41:20] Victor: Yeah. And that's it. I don't know. That was the whole, that's the whole

[00:41:25] Zach: It was like a, like an awesome aerial display. That

[00:41:30] Victor: kind of.

[00:41:31] Zach: because those are some of my favorite dreams. I have those a lot. Uh, or not a lot, but, but they're, they're, they, they're the most memorable ones. I mean, we, we talked about one where I had the, the UFOs stealing the airplanes from the sky.

[00:41:46] Olivia: mm-hmm.

[00:41:47] Zach: Um, but any, anytime I have like a, an aerial phenomenon dream where like you're looking up in the sky and there's something like breathtaking hat painting in the sky.

It's

[00:41:56] Olivia: Yeah.

[00:41:57] Zach: um, 

[00:41:58] Olivia: I've had those two. They're very powerful.

[00:42:00] Victor: No, it, it was definitely, it was like that and it was like, it was a mixture of like awe and terror, you know? Cuz I knew that the thing that was happening was coming to kill me.

[00:42:10] Olivia: That sounds like my, um, like the u f o dreams that I have had have been like that where I will like fall to my knees, like crying and like unable to look away from the sky. It's like just very moving and terrifying at the same time.

[00:42:28] Zach: we talked about this way back at our old job before,

[00:42:31] Olivia: Mm-hmm. 

Mm-hmm. 

[00:42:32] Zach: when we were talking about the idea of a dream podcast, but before we had started one, cuz I have similar reoccurring dreams where like there are images in the sky and oftentimes they're like constellations, like super far away that are being connected by lights and, uh, but, but for me, I don't, it's not terror, it's just, it's just, ah, it's, but I have a weird thing with UFOs where I want to be taken.

[00:42:59] Olivia: Yeah.

That's weird.

[00:43:00] Victor: That is weird. I feel like at different part parts of my life, I would've, I would've been in the same boat, but I don't, I don't want to get taken 

[00:43:10] Zach: Yeah, it's not because I hate Earth that much. It's, it's like, it's more, I don't know, like a religion. To me. I wanna be raptured, you know?

[00:43:17] Victor: Yeah. Oh, it's like something about like, Well, how do you say no to like learning and like a secret of the universe like that,

[00:43:25] Olivia: what if they probe you?

[00:43:27] Zach: Oh God, I hope they probed me.

[00:43:29] Victor: Yeah.

[00:43:31] Zach: That's what my last dream was about. I've been practicing with the butt, with the butt plug.

[00:43:39] Victor: Committed to the, cause

[00:43:40] Zach: but this was not UFOs. This was like, uh,

[00:43:44] Victor: I remember having, like, I remember thinking at some point that it was definitely like the US government,

[00:43:53] Olivia: So not UFOs.

[00:43:54] Victor: not ufo. I felt like, I felt like, oh, this is like what it's like to be on the receiving end of like US air power.

[00:44:03] Olivia: Mm.

[00:44:03] Victor: And I was like, oh, it's fucking terrifying. Um, yeah, not that it was accurate, but it was like my brain trying to conjure that up.

[00:44:17] Zach: So we trying to tie these together.

[00:44:20] Victor: They definitely were part of the same dream, but I have no idea how they were connected. And those are, those are dream one. I don't know. I don't know that it's worth trying to interpret. It was just fun. Just wanted to share it. It was very like visual effects dream. You know? You can try and look up concrete Batman if you want to.

I don't know how 

[00:44:40] Zach: I looked up concrete 

[00:44:42] Victor: Yeah. What'd you get?

[00:44:43] Zach: to dream of. Concrete represents ideas, plans, or situations that are permanent. A solid foundation or absolutely knowing that something in your life can't fail. An area of your life where there's absolute certainty, confidence in a situation or relationship that doesn't go away.

[00:45:01] Victor: Hmm. That makes a certain amount of sense because this thing was like, it was like concrete. It was also like a badass sports car that was just like a. Like zooming around stuff and anything. It ran into it. Just like knocked that shit outta the way. So, uh, yeah, very, 

[00:45:18] Zach: that dream, did that part, did that part of the dream have like a fun feeling to it?

[00:45:22] Victor: Uh, yeah. I remember thinking it was kind of cool.

I don't know. I was like, what is that guy steal?

[00:45:27] Olivia: Hmm.

[00:45:28] Victor: Um, who, I was like, who the fuck is in that thing? Like swinging his big concrete fists at stuff and knocking stuff outta the way. I was like, who is this guy? Um, and then he didn't 

[00:45:44] Zach: I feel like when you're having those dreams where you're like really getting a kick outta something or like feeling entertained by something, um, I feel like that could be a reflection of confidence or, or something you're enjoying

[00:46:01] Victor: hmm.

[00:46:02] Zach: in, in your life. And this entry on, on on concrete has to do with like permanence and stability and. So just, you know, at a, at a surface level, it seems like this could be about something that you're thinking about, um, and appreciating for how stable it is. Like maybe

[00:46:23] Olivia: Me?

[00:46:23] Zach: your marriage Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, your marriage or whatever. I mean, probably that I was gonna say, or your job, but like, I don't know how much you actually enjoy your job as stable as it may be.

[00:46:36] Victor: But there's an appreciation there, you know? Yeah. Um, no. Yeah. I think that's actually probably, there's probably truth to that, shockingly. there. 

might be some meaning there. 

[00:46:47] Zach: I think some, yeah, sometimes your brain like freaks you out because it's trying to wrap itself around a problem. And sometimes it's just like, Hey, isn't this shit cool?

[00:46:58] Olivia: Yeah.

[00:46:59] Victor: I will say like, I'm, both of these dreams are like kind of fun. Like I woke up feeling like, oh, that was kind of fun. And um, that's surprising to me cuz I've been in a place where like, like I said, um, the last time I was talking a lot, um, I've been like kind of bouncing from project to project and like hyper focusing on a thing for a while and then moving on.

And I've had a thing that I'm real sucked into lately and like the last couple of days I've been like obsessed and like bashing my head against a wall, trying to like get through some technical problems that I'm running into on the thing that I'm working on. 

[00:47:38] Zach: What kind of

[00:47:38] Victor: the kind of thing where it's like what?

[00:47:40] Zach: What kind of thing is it? Is it like music?

[00:47:42] Victor: Uh, no, it's not a music thing. Um, nah, I don't wanna get too specific, but I'm working on like a, like a, like a side project kind of thing that I'm trying to do. Um, But it's been like, thinking about it when I fall asleep, first thing I think about when I wake up kind of place in my brain, the last week or so.

Um, and so to have like, kind of like a fun 

aside, 

[00:48:08] Zach: that excitement is carrying through.

[00:48:10] Victor: huh? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's connected to that, but it, if anything, this felt like.

uh, a part of myself that's like, you're good. You know, you're fine. Everything's fine. You don't need to be, uh, as, you don't need to be stressed out about the thing that you're like throwing yourself into.

[00:48:29] Olivia: Yeah. And yesterday you were a little stressed out about it, right?

[00:48:32] Victor: Yeah, I was stressed out better.

[00:48:34] Olivia: Um, and then these was, these was these dreams. These dreams were last night. Um,

[00:48:42] Victor: it's like a coating thing that's like not in my wheelhouse. So it's really just like infuriating. It's 

[00:48:49] Zach: But that's like all problem solving, isn't it?

[00:48:52] Victor: It is. Yeah.

[00:48:54] Zach: So, yeah, I mean, even if you were stressed out about the thing, like, I mean, yeah, that could be your, your brain going like, don't worry, we got concrete fists. We'll punch our way through 

[00:49:04] Victor: Right, right.

[00:49:06] Zach: What were you saying, Olivia?

[00:49:07] Olivia: Um,

[00:49:08] Zach: These things,

[00:49:09] Olivia: these dings, these dings were stressing you out yesterday. Um, and then you had this dream, and then today, uh, you've been really jazzed about it.

[00:49:21] Victor: What? 

Yeah. I made some headway. Yeah. 

[00:49:24] Olivia: Progress. 

[00:49:25] Victor: Yep.

[00:49:26] Olivia: Progress,

[00:49:29] Victor: Yeah. Made a ton of progress today. Um, and then, okay. Uh, the, the other dream I had, I was to take care of a horse. That was,

[00:49:44] Zach: is unrelated to the.

[00:49:45] Olivia: right.

[00:49:46] Victor: is, this is a separate dream. 

[00:49:49] Zach: Oh, so we're, we're, 

[00:49:49] Victor: those were, those were part one and two of one dream. And 

[00:49:53] Zach: okay. So we're gonna breeze past the airstrike dream.

[00:49:56] Victor: we can get into it if you want to. Yeah,

no, no. 

[00:49:59] Olivia: You should tell the horse dream.

[00:50:00] Zach: you feel like the airstrike thing was probably like in the same vein as the concrete.

[00:50:06] Victor: Yeah. I mean, I don't know that that was like a positive experience, but it was like, I don't know, it was just, just powerful, you know? It was like 

terrifying 

[00:50:17] Zach: have to unpack everything. We can just talk about some things.

[00:50:20] Victor: Yeah. We can come back around to it if you wanna say, but let me tell this horse dream. Okay. Um, so for a little bit of life context, there's a couple of old horses that, uh, live in a junkyard up the street and Olivia helps take care of them, and I am helping Olivia help take care of them.

There's kind of like a. Like a co-management thing where there's someone else involved and we're all, we're all like helping take care of these trash horses. So, uh, that is, that is the real life context for this dream. Um, so I am there and I am supposed to be, Uh, taking care of these horses. Olivia's been like teaching me more, uh, recently about like, here's how you do this, here's how you do that. So that I can like, cover for her if ever needed or whatever. So, uh, I'm having this dream that's clearly about that, where it's like, okay, I gotta put these horse skills to work.

Um, and much in the spirit of their real environment, the place that the horses supposedly live in. My dream is this like, uh, old abandoned gas station that's like out in the middle of like this dusty plane. Um, and there is a, there's another person there that I'm supposed to be helping. Um, like we're working together to do the horse chores and, um, I know that this person was like,

uh,

supposed to be this, this real life, um, partner or like was there like a representative of this other person we work with.

But, um, But it was a man, it was like a man, I don't know. Um, and the, the person in real life that we work with as a woman, um, and we were just trying to do horse stuff. So I remember like going around, like trying to do tasks and like helping out here and there, and then where I got stuck. Was, and I remember waking up, like, kind of feeling like this was true, that this was part of the process, but I got stuck because when you're feeding horses, um, you need to go and get them a full size, uh, frozen Turkey, uh, like a frozen, uh, and I was, I was looking around for this Turkey and I could not find it.

And I was like, God, I feel like an idiot. I can't find the Turkey that the horses need. But I also did not see a horse at any point in this dream that I knew I was there at the gas station to feed the horses and I couldn't find the Turkey that I need to find to feed the horses. Uh, and I woke up.

[00:53:10] Olivia: is it like you put out a frozen Turkey and they, they eat it?

[00:53:14] Victor: I guess, I don't know. I don't know exactly what was supposed to happen once I had the Turkey, but I know that I needed like a full, like a Thanksgiving style frozen Turkey, um, 

and. 

[00:53:26] Zach: idea that horses eat like video game characters, entire Turkey

[00:53:33] Victor: Yeah. And so that I think is just like, you know, like I said, Olivia's been teaching me some, some horse care stuff recently, and I'm, I'm a little anxious about having to get out there and do it without her. And so, uh, yeah. Had a dream connected to it.

[00:53:50] Zach: Yeah. I mean it seem, it does sound like that one could be that one-to-one.

[00:53:54] Victor: Yeah, 

I think so.

[00:53:56] Olivia: I wanna know what a gas station is though.

[00:53:58] Victor: Hmm.

[00:53:58] Zach: It's a place where you refuel your car.

[00:54:01] Olivia: Ah,

I keep phrasing it like that. I shouldn't fall into this trap so easily.

[00:54:06] Zach: Yeah. Cause I'm gonna do that bit every time.

[00:54:08] Olivia: Yeah. Yeah. You are.

[00:54:09] Zach: to dream of a gas station represents habits that give you emotional or psychological sustenance. Something you need to have or need to feel in order to continue with the direction your life is taking. Gas stations reflect a need for energy or resources in order to move forward with goals.

Feeling like a loser that needs to inject enthusiasm or confidence into your life or relationship. A gas station may be a sign that you've run out of gas, uh, quote unquote, uh, or need to recalibrate in order to carry on a need to reenergize or reinvigorate your life in some area, feeling empty and needing to recharge some area of your life, feeling that you've done something in excess or that your relationship is running out of energy

[00:54:54] Victor: God damn This wasn't supposed to mean anything.

[00:55:01] Zach: yeah, this was just supposed to be horse stress.

[00:55:04] Victor: Um, no, that's super inter that really resonates with me. 

That's the thing I've been thinking about a lot. Yeah, it does, because, um, I feel like, uh, like I, I talked about, like I said, I keep jumping from thing to thing and like hyper fixating on the thing and throwing myself into it a hundred percent. And, um, like I always, I, I like, I'm obsessed with like, trying to produce something or build something or, or, or create a new thing.

And I've 

[00:55:36] Zach: you emotional or psychological sustenance.

[00:55:38] Victor: I've been feeling for a long time, for a while now. It's like, I know this, but I can't, I can't, um, access it. But I, I've been feeling like I've, I've actually, I've phrased it this way. I've been feeling like I'm running on empty, like where I'm kind, I'm constantly trying to produce something of value, but like, I can't do it because like, to be able to make something like 

artistically too, right?

Like writing music. 

[00:56:06] Zach: Like every sentence of this is about.

[00:56:09] Victor: It's like, I've been feeling like, well, I can't write music, but like, cuz every time I try to, it feels like trying to like, you know, squeeze, uh, you know, liquid out of, out of a stone. You know, it's like I, there's nothing there. Um, and I know that if I want to be able to do the things that I want to do and be happier and be able to make art again, and like fulfill the things that I care about that I need, I need to chill the fuck out.

Read a book. Sit in the sunshine, enjoy, uh, being out at helping Olivia take care of the trash. Horses need to be able to like, uh, enjoy my life a little bit and relax to be able to do the things that I care about doing. But I can't make myself do it. 

It's just I, mindfulness, 

it's so hard to just like, I feel like there's just like this clenching, you know, like, and it's just hard to, hard to relax.

Um, so yeah, that's that gas station thing, really. Can I, I've been for months now, I've been like, God damn, I need to figure out how to relax and I just can't do it. And before we came out here to record until like the last minute before we were gonna record. I was done working and then I was just like, Olivia was like, you okay?

And I was like, yeah, I'm good. And I was like, obsessively working on this coding thing that I've been working on cuz I finally started to make headway with it. And I was like, not giving myself any time to chill between that and this because I just like, you know?

[00:57:47] Zach: Yeah, no, I know.

[00:57:48] Victor: Yeah. So, so, um, I'm gonna run a lap and I'll be back a

[00:57:54] Zach: It is funny. Every time you say trash horse, I picture like a dirty zebra.

[00:57:59] Victor: Yeah.

[00:58:01] Olivia: yeah, and that's what, has come up in other dreams too. Like the doppelganger dream was when you, you AltEd that and the, the, the doppelganger just wanted to be 

[00:58:12] Zach: In red. 

[00:58:13] Olivia: and be present, and you were not go, you were not going to allow that to happen.

[00:58:18] Victor: Yeah. I'm really struggling with that lately and it's that I like.

I know that that's what I need, but I, something in me won't allow myself to chill.

[00:58:31] Zach: it feels counterintuitive when you have, like, when you feel like you have a limited amount of time, which you know, objectively we do. Um, and you have X, y, and Z that you want to do, it makes logical sense that you have to, um, maximize every second of every minute of every hour of every

[00:58:51] Victor: right. 

[00:58:52] Zach: Um, it doesn't feel, uh, intuitive to.

To, to relax and read a book and, and, and take care of a trash horse.

[00:59:03] Victor: Yeah.

[00:59:03] Zach: Like, that is when I, when I think of like, like some of the most creative fruitful periods of my life, it, they, they were fucking boring. were boring times in my life where like there was a lot of downtime and I got like exhausted with not having something to do.

[00:59:24] Victor: Mm, mm-hmm.

[00:59:25] Zach: Um, from like being a little kid in church and like, you know, daydreaming during that to being like, you know, a freshman in the dorms where we didn't have internet. Um, there, there, there's something to be said for mindfulness as Olivia put it.

[00:59:43] Victor: Totally. Yeah.

[00:59:46] Olivia: meditate.

[00:59:47] Victor: Oh my God. Don't make me, 

[00:59:52] Zach: Something meditation adjacent.

[00:59:55] Victor: right. Yeah.

[00:59:56] Olivia: I, so I really find

that

doing the horse chores or, um, something like that, or where it's just a physical thing without a podcast on sometimes is like, that's the thing is like I, I understand, like I, I understand. and here's the problem, I know that if you do that, you're just gonna be working on a problem in your head.

You need to turn that off and just enjoy SCO shoveling the shit, and like listening to the birds. Like, I mean, I know that's not for everyone. It's for me though. Um, but like, 

[01:00:37] Victor: Yeah, 

[01:00:38] Olivia: being present and just being with your body and not being in your head. Like you're gonna kill yourself doing that. You're going to like, you're gonna fully burn out. And, um, like you can't afford to burn out and I can't afford for you to burn out.

[01:00:56] Victor: Yeah.

[01:00:57] Olivia: This podcast can't afford for you to burn out. Um, so

[01:01:04] Zach: Yeah. And it does, like, we're so similar, Victor, I, I hate meditating. I've, I've tried it and it feels so like, I assume you're also not a bath guy.

[01:01:14] Victor: yeah,

[01:01:15] Zach: I, I, every time I take a bath, I'm just laying in the water. Like how do I relax, like smelling the candle. Like, but, but just like how long I'm like timing my bath.

I'm like, when can I get out? When am I good? is the spa day

over? 

[01:01:34] Olivia: been rejuvenated?

[01:01:35] Zach: When, when have I accomplished spa day?

You know, like, which is so not what spa day is about. Um, so like I've, I don't feel like I've, um, solved this problem, but I have, I have like little inclinations of what the answers are for me personally, and like one of 'em is jogging this, this is why I run every day on, on pavement that's destroying my knees is because that is like a little bit of a taste of what I imagine meditation is supposed to do. When I'm running, I, my brain shuts off a little bit and I don't think about, you know, how much doing cardio sucks. I, I'm, I'm listening to music, but I'm not really, I'm not deconstructing it the way I would intellectually at any other given time. When music is on, uh, I just kind of zone out and like those endorphins you get from cardio wash over me like that, that's one little area of my life where like, I feel like I understand what meditation is supposed to do.

[01:02:37] Olivia: Yeah.

[01:02:38] Zach: Um, but for people like us, it's k it is hard to like to find those things

meditation itself and relaxation itself feels like an upfront.

[01:02:49] Victor: yeah, yeah. It feels like, um, being wasteful in some way.

[01:02:55] Zach: Yeah. Yeah. Becomes suddenly very aware of like, how little time I am on this planet. I'm like, why am I laying here

[01:03:03] Victor: Yeah.

[01:03:04] Olivia: Does that, like, does that trigger, like fight or flight for you?

[01:03:08] Zach: kind of, 

[01:03:10] Victor: I guess maybe like working on stuff is like a fight response

[01:03:13] Olivia: It, it might be, and like that's, yeah. I mean,

[01:03:19] Victor:

[01:03:19] Olivia: that's really good information.

[01:03:22] Victor: I'm like very, like, I'm weirdly like physically confrontational in my dreams.

I keep like choking stuff and hitting stuff and yeah. I don't know what that's about.

[01:03:33] Zach: me too. I think, uh, what was supposed to be our first episode and we dropped it, right? The food episode,

[01:03:40] Olivia: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[01:03:42] Zach: so, we'll, we'll probably air that eventually, but my dream in that was about physical confrontation,

which which is a reoccurring theme in my dreams. and I remember a long time ago to like a close friend of mine about like nightmares, and we, we realized that he, he's a very like alpha male kinda kind of dude. And, and in, in his worst nightmares, he can't defend his himself or his family. Like he has like a intruder and he can't, he, he, he, has like limp wrists and he can't fire his gun. And in my worst nightmares, I'm like beating somebody to death.

[01:04:22] Victor: mm 

[01:04:23] Zach: Like I'm the violent, like, and, and we, we were talking about how interesting it is that in hi, in his nightmares, he's ineffectual and in my nightmares I'm the villain.

[01:04:34] Victor: Right.

[01:04:35] Zach: And, and, and we were, we didn't come up with any answers, but we were, we were talking about how like, That must point to some sort of like, um, pathology.

[01:04:46] Victor: Totally. Yeah, no, like I do feel like, um, when I'm awake, like my conscious mind, more and more like y uh, um, is like, uh, like I will sometimes have, um, those concerns of like, well, what would I do if, um, like there was like an emergency? Like, can I, can I protect myself? You know, can I protect my family? Um, that's, that crosses my mind more now than it ever did when I was younger.

But, um, but it's never in my dreams. My dreams are always like that I

fucked something up or I, I took something too far or whatever, and I've like done harm, you know? It's never like, Um, oh, I'm being attacked and I, I can't, um, do anything about it or something. I'm never like disempowered in that way. In my dreams.

It's always like that I did too much.

[01:05:40] Zach: Yeah, same here.

[01:05:42] Victor: Yeah,

[01:05:43] Zach: And that that must, I mean, point to another similarity that you and I have

[01:05:48] Victor: yeah,

[01:05:48] Zach: something hashtag twin, uh, anxiety twins.

[01:05:55] Victor: yeah.

That's good to know. It's, this is helpful to have somebody else right here that's like, yes, I have the same mental illness as you have. Um,

[01:06:04] Zach: Yeah.

[01:06:05] Olivia: I asked my therapist for a referral for a therapist for you.

[01:06:10] Victor: That's such a waste of time.

There's only so many hours in the 

day. Oh my 

[01:06:15] Zach: be coding.

[01:06:18] Victor: Supposed to spend an hour a week talking. Um, yeah.

[01:06:28] Olivia: spend a lot more hours than Matt talking.

[01:06:31] Victor: Yeah, that's true. That's true.

[01:06:34] Zach: I finally have, uh, health insurance that will

[01:06:37] Victor: Yay.

[01:06:38] Zach: that will make therapy affordable for me. So I'm super stoked on that.

[01:06:41] Olivia: Nice.

[01:06:42] Victor: Yeah.

[01:06:43] Zach: I now, I now, I gotta actually do the legwork and stop using my financial situation as an excuse,

[01:06:48] Victor: God, the victor in therapy era of this podcast is gonna be dark.

[01:06:53] Olivia: I can't wait.

[01:06:54] Victor: That's no good.

[01:06:54] Olivia: gonna be good.

[01:06:55] Victor: that's no good. 

[01:06:57] Zach: Skip to this time stamp 

[01:06:59] Victor: Yeah. So while that's happening, I recommend, uh, the daily, um, check that out while I'm having a meltdown.

[01:07:08] Zach: was another podcast.

[01:07:11] Victor: It is, yeah.

[01:07:13] Zach: yeah. What, what's gonna happen when we're all totally well adjusted human beings?

[01:07:18] Olivia: We stop dreaming.

We

do only listener dreams. 

[01:07:21] Zach: Oh, yeah. 

[01:07:22] Olivia: into professional dream 

[01:07:24] Victor: right? 

[01:07:25] Zach: by then we do have, uh, listeners submitting dreams.

[01:07:28] Victor: um, that heavens gate u f o comes back around for us and we just disappear up into the stars.

[01:07:36] Zach: Let me do the

[01:07:37] Olivia: Who will maintain our website? I'll stay behind. I'll do the website. 

Thank you for listening to the Jung and the Restless. You can follow us on social media at the Jung and the Restless Pod and submit your dreams for interpretation to the Jung and the Restless Pod at Gmail. And as we always say, finger food, food is just food. 

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